A Celebration of Fatherhood
Dudes get real about "Dad Life"
After my Mother’s Day editorial that launched this Substack, I received several requests that I follow up with a Father’s Day editorial. I was pleased to oblige. This prompted me to collect 5 interviews with tremendous fathers who I’m blessed to call friends. Here is the wisdom they have graciously imparted.
It’s a Pun-derful Life
Naturally, for my first interview, I wanted to go with everyone’s beloved dad joker, Jeff. He is a delightful friend to our family. The way he speaks of his family on and offline with such reverence for the sanctity of his role in shaping it, and the love he has for his wife and children is lovely and refreshing. He’s been a father for 7 years now.
Who brought up having kids first, you or your wife?
We brought it up together during marriage prep. We were largely on the same page. We wanted a medium to large family. There wasn't much else to discuss because we are Catholic and both knew as well as accepted the Church's teaching on family planning.
When along the journey did you first really feel like a dad?
As soon as my wife got the positive pregnancy test. I knew we had a child with an immortal soul that I was largely responsible for bringing up in the Faith. Everything in my outlook changed at that time and I haven't looked back.
When did you know you were ready to be a parent?
When I was ready to be married. One has to come with the other.
What's the best thing about fatherhood?
It requires more of me than I would otherwise give. Life in general and maturing is a purposeful design from God to give us more responsibilities and less idle time. Being married required more of me than being single. Being a father was more. Having a house I have to maintain did the same. God continues to draw us out of selfish pursuits and into caring for others. And, if we listen, God shows us the truth that it is in giving that we receive. I wouldn't give up being a father for all of the golf rounds and vacations in the world.
What's the best piece of fatherhood advice you've ever received?
Don't feel like you can't have passions, instead invite your children to enjoy them with you.
What were the most impactful preparations you made to become a father?
I spent time with other fathers while they were with their kids. Seeing the ways in which my life would change both for the good and inconvenient was really beneficial. It's absolutely a blessing to be a father but knowing what is coming your way makes it easier when those difficulties present themselves.
What did you wish you knew before you became a father?
Two things. First, labor and birth are the starting line, not the finish line. Those first two weeks are absolutely brutal. So good and beautiful, but be prepped. Second, there will be good and bad days. Sometimes it will be so easy and fun. Other times you won't recognize yourself because you are yelling and being impatient. It's ok. Keep in mind that every day is a new opportunity to be the father your children deserve.
Did you always know that you wanted to be a father?
Yes
Jeff and his family are such a blessing to those who know them and I’m honored to count such a godly man as part of my community. In the gaps between dad jokes lies a lot of wisdom, which is why I endlessly want to have him on my show.
Knocking It Out of The Park
Pivoting from my best “dad friend” to my “work dad” who helped make my time at American Daily Press an enjoyable experience is Ed Smith of Total Sports Talk. With a heart for family and a brilliant mind for business, he patiently taught me a great deal for which I am thankful. Here’s what Ed had to say about his 21 years of parenthood.
Who brought up having kids first, you or your wife?
It was a conversation that we brought up before we ever really started dating. Our thoughts on parenting based on our experiences growing up were fundamentally different and the flow of ideas got heated. After about 45 minutes of this we realized that it was only hypothetical at that point. We both knew we wanted kids but didn't know it would be with each other at that time.
When along the journey did you first really feel like a dad?
Immediately. Once I got over the sobbing of seeing my baby girl for the first time I knew it was time to get to work and try to be a provider and protector of this family from day one. Some of that had to do with my history with fatherhood and some with the leadership role I had taken in relationships in my life up to that point.
When did you know you were ready to be a parent?
The second I chose my kid over myself.
What's the best thing about fatherhood?
The moments you get to experience where your child 'gets it' for the first time. Whether it's riding a bike, learning a skill, making a good decision based on the guidance you bring, or accomplishing goals that are out there in front of them. In those moments you sit back and think, that is my kid.
What's the best piece of fatherhood advice you've ever received?
Judge slowly.
What were the most impactful preparations you made to become a father?
For many years, I was somewhat of a confidant to people long before I became a father. To be able to calmly listen and provide feedback and direction has been a part of me since I can remember letting go of youthful rage. All those late nights with friends that need you after a bad breakup, getting fired, indecision - they prepare you for your child coming to you for anything that life throws at them and being able to provide guidance.
What did you wish you knew before you became a father?
How to balance what you know your kids needs materialistically and what your kid needs by you being there.
Did you always want to be a father? What changed for you if you didn't always know that you wanted to be a dad?
Yes, but not growing up with my biological father I didn't know how to be a dad to my own kid. Only saw how to be a dad to somebody else's kid. Did I experience the best parenting from the father figures in my life? No. But lessons can be learned on what to and what not to do.
Ed is a father, a husband, a mentor, a diligent worker, and my favorite sportscaster. He balances all of this while being a charming, stand-up guy. There’s a lot to respect there! As someone who also doesn’t have their biological father in their life, seeing Ed’s steadfast ability to succeed as a father and father figure—and possessing so much consideration for the younger generation—despite not having the best ones in his own life, is truly heartwarming. He’s a wonderful example of it’s not the cards you’re dealt but how you play them that matters. For him, fatherhood is truly a grand slam.
A Full House
My buddy Cody Rogers has incredible children and that’s a testament to how he and his wife are crushing it at parenthood. He’s been a father for 10 years, and if you follow him online you can see in the way he talks about his family how much Cody cherishes both his children and beautiful wife.
Who brought up having kids first, you or your wife?
My wife brought it up first. Marriage and Children were always the goal but I didn't become a responsible adult until we met. So children were very much on the forefront for her comparatively.
When along the journey did you first really feel like a dad?
Honestly, it was once we had our second child that I truly started feeling like a Dad. While I’m likely not giving myself enough credit, I was just going through the motions with our first as I figured out fatherhood. I (obviously) still did everything that would look like I was crushing it at the Dad life, but it wasn't until our second came and I had the confidence that it took hold of me.
When did you know you were ready to be a parent?
I'm still not sure if I'm ready... But once we bought our first starter home. I knew I could do it.
What's the best thing about fatherhood?
Celebrating their successes! We hold our children to pretty lofty (for today's standards) expectations. Nothing in the world is better than watching them succeed at something that they've worked hard for. Their sense of pride blossoming is an absolute blessing.
What's the best piece of fatherhood advice you've ever received?
Show the kids how much you love their Mother.
What were the most impactful preparations you made to become a father?
All preparations are derived from watching my parents when I grew up. Discarding what I disagree with, as an adult with hindsight, and implementing what I know affected me in a good way.
What did you wish you knew before you became a father?
That they're so resilient and they'll love you so hard.
Did you always know that you wanted to be a father?
No, I didn’t. But that changed when I found a wife that I knew I would like to be my children’s mother. She crushes it!
Cody’s family is a testament to how teamwork makes the dream work. His family is so cute you can’t help but root for them. I got choked up when his daughter got the part in the play. Finding the right partner can change your life for the better (like I shared with Evie how my husband did this for me) and I’m delighted that that’s been the experience of the dear Rogers family as well.
Master of His Family’s Universe
Skeletor Evan Scott is a new friend of mine. We connected as freelance writers for Evie and entrepreneurs. He runs an Etsy shop where he makes soap and sells all sorts of goodies. Evan’s been a father for 6 and a half years.
Who brought up having kids first, you or your wife?
My wife brought it up first although knew that I always wanted kids as well. I felt that we needed a year or two just to ourselves and that we needed to save money for kids. While I know it’s good to save money, we could have had kids 5 years earlier than we did.
When along the journey did you first really feel like a dad?
I first felt like a dad when I could interact with my oldest. Get her to smile or laugh.
When did you know you were ready to be a parent?
I’d always wanted children, but I knew at 25 that I was officially ready.
What's the best thing about fatherhood?
Seeing the moves of your kids, feeling them snuggle against you, and watching them develop as people.
What's the best piece of fatherhood advice you've ever received?
Talk to them like you’re just as fascinated as they are.
What were the most impactful preparations you made to become a father?
Mostly I was saving money, but I also was trying tomorrow to myself at parenting classes and the like with our first. I was scared but you start to get it.
What did you wish you knew before you became a father?
Your life will be chaos…but it will be okay.
Bring It On Home
I still remember the day that we got the call, even down to where I was (visiting Kyle at work) and what I was drinking (an iced coffee from Dunkies; I’m a New Englander, duh). Kyle’s younger brother Tim called him to tell him that Kyle was going to be an uncle. They were having a baby! I remember literally jumping up and down with joy at this addition to our family. That was 6 years ago now! In that time I’ve been so blessed to watch Tim and my sister-in-law Mercedez both grow up and grow into amazing parents. We’re deeply proud of them both and overjoyed that we’ve gotten to know the phenomenal little people they created. B is my best friend (not to brag, but he calls me “bestie”) and S is walking now!
Who brought up having kids first, you or your wife?
My wife was the first to bring up the fact that she wanted children. Our first conversation about children was the first year we met, she said “I would like to have at least 2 children” and I challenged “I want 3”. We settled on 2.
When along the journey did you first really feel like a dad?
When my firstborn child was born and I held him for the first time was such a special moment that changed my life forever. Although I would say I started really feeling like a father when I would come home from work after a long hard day and seeing my son run up to me at the door, arms wide open saying “daddy!!”
When did you know you were ready to be a parent?
I was never really ready to become a parent. But it was something I knew I was ready to take on.
What's the best thing about fatherhood?
The best thing about fatherhood is providing for my kids, as well as giving them the best experience of life that I can provide. Helping them along their journey and watching them grow is the best reward for everything that I do.
What's the best piece of fatherhood advice you've ever received?
The best piece of advice that I’ve ever gotten was that days go slow and years go fast, live for the moment and get something out of each day.
What were the most impactful preparations you made to become a father?
The best prep to becoming a father is to have everything for the baby organized and there when you need it. You never know when you need that thermometer or wipes to clean up some boogers. Having everything readily available is key to keeping stress low.
What did you wish you knew before you became a father?
I wish I knew how hard it truly is to balance the children’s lives and what I enjoy doing. Sometimes personal lifestyle doesn’t match up to what your children can do or attend. There needs to be a balance between the two and time for self-care.
Much like with my husband Kyle, everyone who truly knows Tim loves him. The strength of character both these Donnelly brothers display is inspiring. When I got engaged to Kyle I instantly got a brother in Tim, and as an only child that was a massive win on all fronts. I went from having little family to having a little family all of my own. Then he grew up and had a little family all his own, and we’ve never been prouder.
What’s the best advice you’ve received on fatherhood? What’s your favorite memory of your father? Tell me in the comments!