How to Be a Real Girls’ Girl—According to Women Who Live It
If you’ve ever wondered what it truly takes to be a girls’ girl, this guide to authentic female friendship is your new roadmap.
From modern-day loyalty to timeless sisterhood, here’s how to embrace the art of being a true girls’ girl in today’s fast-paced world. As Elle Woods reminds us in Legally Blonde, “You must always have faith in people. And, most importantly, you must always have faith in yourself.” Being a girls’ girl goes beyond knowing the rules of hair or law or being a hype queen when your bestie looks fabulous—it’s about having unwavering faith and love for yourself and your fellow women. This theme of genuine female friendship can be traced back throughout history.
"You are the best friend I ever had, Anne," said Diana, sincerely. "And if I weren't the best friend you ever had, it just wouldn't be fair. Anne Shirley, do you love me?" In Anne of Green Gables, Diana Barry and Anne Shirley set the gold standard for being a "girls’ girl"—loyal, loving, steadfast, and always ready to share a secret or a snack. But in an era of shifting friendships, social media dramas, and "pick me" accusations, what does it truly mean to be a girls’ girl today? I’m tremendously blessed to have experienced a handful of meaningful female friendships with women who embody this archetype. Ahead of Galentine’s Day, I asked these lovely ladies what they believe it means to be a girls’ girl.
The Essence of Loyalty
Initially, I asked my friend Ashley who’s like a big sister to me. I deeply admire how I can come to her with anything and everything and she’ll be loving, tactful, and transparent with me regardless. When asked what it took to be a girls’ girl she said, “One thing I'd say is honesty. Always be honest with your girlfriends. Even when it's hard. Lying to them or placating them is not helpful. Don't be afraid to tell them the hard things.” We’ve had several conversations over the years that when discreetly relayed to her parents who are darlings they were taken aback by how bold she’s always been. Ashley’s blend of tact and transparency allows her to come across as measured even when I approach her with hard questions. Plus, since I admire her I know she’s always coming from a good place.
Ashley expounds further on what is required to be a girls’ girl, “Don't gossip. If your friend confides in you, be trustworthy and make sure you are a safe place to share their thoughts and feelings. Say the things that you think but don't always say. If you love them, remind them. If you are proud of them, let them know. We all face so much negativity constantly, caring for your friends and letting them know how important they are to you is so crucial! You never know what it means to someone when you share feelings you already have in your head, but it only takes 2 minutes to repeat them. Let them know if they hurt you. Most things can be resolved easily, but letting it build up and cause bitterness and resentment only hurts you. They may not even be aware of what they did. And of course, cover them in prayer. Every day.” Ashley is a fantastic confidant and a cozy place to land when life is hard so she knows firsthand what it’s like to live in alignment with this advice.
Beyond Labels: The Actions of a Girls’ Girl
Kim Coulter—who you may know from her Substack
or her journalism at The National File—was another source of advice and inspiration for this piece. “It’s tricky because a true ‘girl’s girl’ would never label herself that.” Here Kim sagely taps into the truth that it’s about concrete actions, not some self-bestowed label. Much like a truly good person wouldn’t label themselves as “good” a girls’ girl wouldn’t label herself as such since it’s how she relates to and has integrated herself into the world. True virtue is shown through consistent, humble behavior since the best qualities are internalized and reflected in everyday interactions. Kim explores these in her reply, “A girl’s girl is someone who tells you the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable, and helps you work through any difficult emotions that arise from it. She doesn’t undermine or sabotage you; instead, she supports you. She pushes you to be better while being one of your biggest cheerleaders. She’s your confidant, someone who knows what truly matters, even if it’s weeks after the fact. At the end of the day, she’s always got your back.” I admire her as a fellow woman and sister in Christ as she embodies these values. When you’re up and she’s down, she doesn’t hesitate to celebrate you and when it’s switched she makes an effort to check in on you.
Confidence as the Foundation
Another example of these attributes is Ellie, known as Feral Mama in our social media community. She gave her bold, ‘feral’ and confident take, “Being a girls’ girl is what makes you a hot girl. Also, it’s just about being a good person, not being in competition, wanting what’s best for everyone, and assuming people’s intentions are good instead of assuming the worst about people. A lot of it comes from being secure in yourself and having good self-esteem and then part of it comes from choosing not to be a cynic. It’s a CBT trick where you just choose over and over to want what’s best for people and to not be cynical and basically fake it ‘til you make it. But it’s so funny cause you give off hot girl vibes when you’re a girls’ girl. I don’t have to attack other women’s choices because I’m perfectly secure in my own: I’m doing the absolute best I can with what I’ve got so I’m fine if other people make other choices with what they have. And ironically that gives people the vibe that I have it more together than I do and ‘know something they don’t.’ And since I’m not in competition with other women, I’m totally secure in genuinely rooting for them and hoping they succeed!” Ellie is a gem! Sometimes when we’re both busy but thinking about one another we’ll just text each other “I love you!!!” and go about this crazy little thing called life. I’m glad to have these amazing women in mine.
Friendship As Mutual Support
Ellie’s bold, unapologetic energy reminds us that embracing our true selves is crucial to being able to embrace our friends as their true selves. Allie’s perspective builds on this demonstrating how we should strive to treat our friends like treasured gems rather than stepping stones. You may know Allie from her impressive work with one of my favorite charities American Conservation Coalition or from giving romantic relationship advice on X under the handle Cluffalo. She shared, “I'd say the essence of it is treating your friends like they're the highest end rather than a means to an end. Women who aren't girls' girls are quick to throw other women under the bus to make themselves look good, or are fair-weather friends, whereas girls' girls genuinely like other women, have their best interests at heart, and try to help them save face and look good, even at their own expense. It's the reason that ‘pick me’ girls are so annoying, it's obvious when another woman sees you foremost as a competitor because her validation comes from men, not intrinsically.”
Navigating Insecurities Together
Rosie Gamgee is considered by many to be one of the warmest women on X, she’s a self-proclaimed “nice troll,” and is often the first to pray for you when things go awry. “I think a lot of mean girl behavior is just personal insecurity. If you know your worth and you're not jealous then you tend not to want to go after other women and attack them. But there have been a few things that have helped shape my relationship with women, such as being friends with the truth, not with people. What I mean is that if you just like someone because they like you and agree with everything that you say then there will be a point when they don't agree with you and therefore don't like you because of it. But if you both like the truth of each other then you have any number of disagreements with that person because you still care for them. My best friend and I don't agree on most things and never have, but we still care about each other even when we don't like each other all that much because of an argument or whatever.”
She also draws on her faith and a healthy dose of humor to round out her view on friendship, “Another thing is Scripture; ‘let your no mean no and your yes mean yes’ (Matthew 5:37) and, I'm paraphrasing but ‘all hidden things will be brought to the light’ (Luke 8:17). I try very hard to say things about people behind their backs that I would have no problem saying to their faces because it will be revealed to them in time. I may be able to hide and call Karen a jerk behind her back right now, but God sees all things and isn't fooled. Karen will find out eventually, if only on Judgement Day, that I'm speaking ill of her. And the third thing is, oddly enough, YOLO. We are only on this earth for so long so don't waste time trying to make other people miserable. Celebrate their victories, and comfort them in their sorrows. Spend time doing the things that are good for you and other people instead of trying to win points in some weird and artificial popularity contest.” These facets of friendship allow us to have genuine, straightforward relationships.
The Power of Authenticity
Famous artist Elwë Singollo of Laurelin Artistry kindly shared her perspective on how to best go about female friendships, “Well to me the biggest thing that gets in the way of female friendships is insecurity. So I’d say that girls who are genuinely secure in themselves (and in God) are best able to be friends with other girls without feeling the need to compare themselves. Girls like this help others feel safe and more comfortable with themselves because they don’t feel put under a microscope. They know if something good happens, she won’t be jealous, and if something bad happens she won’t scoff or use it to her advantage. If I’m comfortable with who I am, then I can support you with no hidden agenda. And when I do feel insecure, I can go to a friend who is generally comfortable in herself and know she can help lift me up out of that rut because she won’t assume the worst, judge me, or feel threatened.” Elwë’s words remind us that true security isn’t about perfection but authenticity. In a world that constantly bombards us with images of perfection, cultivating self-assurance becomes a radical act. When we feel secure in our own skin, we’re free to celebrate another woman’s success without comparing it to our own journey. This type of confidence creates a safe space where vulnerability is met with empathy, not judgment.
“We just live in a culture where things to make women insecure are everywhere. Women showing off their perfect bodies, women showing off their spotless, beautiful houses, women showing off their children, whatever. I think it gets hard to trust people aren’t judging you for this or that all the time. And even a lot of the ‘girls’ girl’ people can come off as disingenuous, so who do we trust with our friendship if we’re afraid of getting stabbed in the back?” Elwë challenges us to look beyond the polished façades on social media and recognize that vulnerability is universal. Genuine female friendship is nurtured when we work on our own insecurities and extend compassion to others. “I would say we first have to focus on trying to be the girl we want as a friend, ourselves. Don’t become bitter towards girls and assume they’re all the worst, you gotta take the chance to be a supportive friend to someone, knowing you could get hurt, but being secure enough in yourself and who you are to know that it’s their insecurities getting in their way. Sometimes it’s bad enough that you can’t stay friends, but other times, by sticking with her despite her insecurities, you can help her work through them and end up with a friend you know truly cares. All that to say, I think girls who are working on being secure in themselves can best champion other girls.” Elwë’s advice serves as a call to action. Before we can expect others to be our ideal friends, we must first model that behavior ourselves. This means being patient, forgiving, and brave enough to support someone even when it’s challenging. By choosing to stand by a friend through her struggles, you’re not only strengthening that bond—you’re also paving the way for a more compassionate, understanding community of women.
Elwë’s call to model authentic support and compassion is a powerful reminder of how we can build stronger bonds. But while it's essential to cultivate these positive traits, Evie Solheim invites us to also reflect on what we should leave behind. Her perspective challenges us to identify and shed the insecurities and competitive mindsets that can tarnish even the best relationships. You may know my friend Evie from her Substack
or her body of phenomenal journalism that can be found in many of your favorite articles, each like a crown jewel shining as she does. But, did you know that one of the best compliments I’ve ever received was when Evie called me a girls’ girl? Her overall radiance surpasses her external elegance and is a matter of her heart. She’s been a resource and a revelation aiding me as a champion of my writing work. Having women of this caliber in my life is a tremendous blessing.Leaving Jealousy Behind
Here’s what Evie had to say, “When we think about being a “girl’s girl,” sometimes it’s more helpful to think about what a girl’s girl is not. She is not motivated by jealousy, competitiveness, or insecurity.” This distinction aligns beautifully with Scripture. A true girls’ girl isn’t driven by worldly temptations but instead walks in step with the Holy Spirit. As Galatians 5:22-23 reminds us, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” When we reject jealousy and insecurity, we make room for these virtues to flourish in our friendships. Evie continues, “She understands that existing as a woman with other women is not a zero-sum game. On that note, I can’t stop recommending the book Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachel Simmons, which discusses the intricacies of female relationships: the good, the bad, and the ugly. One of the main messages of Odd Girl Out is a call for women to be honest about their feelings—after all, we’re really good at lying to ourselves. The author shares a story about getting in a fight with her college roommate that could have been relationship-ending—but she admitted that part of her anger was driven by jealousy and that honesty gave them a breakthrough. We can’t be everything to everybody. Someone else’s success isn’t our failure. And finding your own crew of ‘girl’s girls’ is one of the biggest blessings of all.” Evie’s wisdom echoes the biblical call to honesty and humility. Proverbs 27:6 tells us, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” Authentic sisterhood requires truthfulness, even when it’s uncomfortable. When we embrace vulnerability, we allow friendships to deepen and flourish.
Biblical Wisdom In Sisterhood
Evie’s words remind us that sisterhood isn’t about competition—it’s about lifting each other up. But what does this support look like in action? It means building friendships rooted in love, truth, and accountability. Faith—who you likely know as Tallow Mom due to her handcrafted skincare—offers her perspective on how embracing traditional womanhood and biblical wisdom strengthens these relationships, “I think being a girls’ girl is similar to being the 'salt' that Jesus calls us to be. It’s a mixed bag sort of situation, of ultimately honoring your friends in a healthy way, not being competitive unnecessarily, or allowing envy and evil emotions to lead your heart in your friendships. But salt can also be painful to open wounds, which means at times it might mean in a respectful and truthful and still honoring way, holding them accountable. We should always and only ever have pure intent in our hearts in our friendships. Women are naturally emotionally driven, and our connections and relationships feel a lot more spiritually connected than I believe men feel them. I think ultimately women cling to their sense of community, and set their identity in that community, so making sure it’s around women who don’t create comparison or competition as a baseline is so important. Avoiding chaos as much as possible and remembering what is fundamentally important when it comes to someone’s character. You’re not always going to agree with your friends, but if at the core you know someone’s heart, then it makes it a lot easier.” While I’ve yet to have the pleasure to get to know everyone’s beloved Tallow Mom as much as I would like to, we’ve been mutuals on Twitter for ages. In that time I’ve seen her wear her heart on her sleeve, love out loud, and celebrate her clients and friends alike—all qualities I deeply admire.
Celebrating Each Other’s Journey
It’s about female friendship that goes beyond words—friendship that carries weight, sincerity, and grace. As Tallow Mom emphasized, a girl’s girl offers accountability with kindness. Sarah, who you may know as Duckie Louise from Twitter or her Substack
expands on this, reminding us that a true friend doesn’t compete; instead, she listens, celebrates, and grieves alongside you. Sarah says, “Someone is a girl’s girl when she genuinely wants to see the women around her thrive. She’s not reveling in the downfall of other women. Not morbidly curious when a friend gets divorced. She will gas her friends up and she will mean every word she says. As English novelist and poet Dinah Maria Craik (whose works I have unfortunately not read—save this one quote which stuck with me) said: ‘A friend is one to whom one may pour out the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.’ Supportive friendships among women are warm and close. Truly, as Scripture tells us (Romans 12:15), to ‘rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.’ I would say this is the mark of an excellent friend. You can share your triumphs with her and she will not be jealous. She will dance with you. You can share your sorrow and she won’t dismiss or minimize it. She will bear witness to your grief. I think that’s really the crux of it all. And of course, nothing ever ever ever works without grace.” Sarah is a luminous soul whose advice is as real as she is because she lives by it.As Sarah beautifully points out, a girl’s girl is someone who celebrates and supports you without competition, walking through the highs and lows with you. Samantha takes this a step further by emphasizing the sacredness of women’s spaces and how important it is to nurture and protect those spaces for us to thrive together. Sam has been a friend of mine for over three years now—I’ve done interviews, panels, and game nights alike with this dear soul—you may know her from her impactful work with one of my favorite nonprofits Live Action. If you want to get to know Sam better, you should check out her Substack
, she’s certainly someone worth knowing.
Protecting Women’s Spaces
Samantha says, “I’ve always had a heart for women. Maybe it’s because I grew up with four sisters, or maybe it’s just how God made me. Either way, I just love women. To me, being a girls’ girl means embodying loyalty, support, and genuine care for each other. It’s about willing the good for one another, lifting each other up, and recognizing that there’s room for us all to thrive. As believers, we’re called to be kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32). That’s especially true in our relationships with other women.” As believers, we know that God created men and women with distinct yet complementary purposes. Samantha’s reflection highlights why these differences should be embraced, not erased. This isn’t just a matter of personal conviction—it has real implications for society. Recognizing and honoring these differences has led to policies that safeguard women’s spaces and opportunities.
“Men don’t experience the world the same way we do—and that’s a beautiful thing. Their brains work differently, their hormones function differently, and they don’t fully grasp the experiences of pregnancy, birth, or motherhood. But that’s not a flaw—it’s intentional. We complement, not replicate, each other.” This significant difference was once again settled and celebrated with President Trump’s Executive Order on January 20, 2025, which mandated recognition of only two sexes—male and female—based on biological classification at conception, explicitly rejecting gender ideology. “What a gift it is, then, to walk through life with other women: mothers, sisters, friends, aunts, grandmothers, even strangers. How often have you found comfort or connection in a women’s restroom? Bro code says that men can’t even talk to each other in the bathroom but for women, we seem to be able to bond over anything in there—emotional breakdowns, embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions, or simply asking for womanly products because we’re out. As funny as it sounds, there’s this natural solidarity among women.” This natural solidarity among women is something worth protecting, not just in our friendships, but in the spaces we depend on for safety, fairness, and dignity.
“Not to get too political but that’s why protecting women’s spaces is so important. Women miscarry in bathrooms, women hide in bathrooms from dangerous situations, and we can let our guards down around each other in a way that sometimes we can’t do with men. It can feel like a little sanctuary. Being a girl’s girl means protecting women’s spaces.” Some of these spaces have been recently reclaimed under President Trump’s Executive Order signed on Wednesday, February 5, 2025, which is aimed at protecting opportunities for women and girls to compete in sports that are safe, fair, and based on biological sex differences. This natural solidarity among women is something worth protecting—not just in our friendships and communities, but in the very spaces where we gather, seek refuge, and compete. Recognizing these distinctions, President Trump’s Executive Orders reaffirm the importance of safeguarding women’s spaces and opportunities. Both executive orders focus on reasserting biological sex as the basis for certain legal and social distinctions, particularly in areas where privacy, safety, and fairness are at stake, like sports and access to single-sex facilities.
Building A Sisterhood of Support
In these conversations, one thing is clear: being a girl’s girl isn’t just about friendship—it’s about standing together, protecting one another, and ensuring that womanhood is honored and upheld in every space and relationship we enter. Interviewing these ten phenomenal women reinforced for me the beauty of female friendships and the strength found in sisterhood. Our bonds as women are not just social—they are sacred, built on shared experiences, trust, and a deep understanding of one another. Celebrating the women in our lives is important, and Galentine’s Day, which falls on Thursday, February 13, 2025, this year is a perfect reminder to do just that. Whether it’s through a heartfelt message, a gathering with friends, or simply expressing gratitude, let’s take the time to uplift and appreciate the incredible women who walk this journey with us. It could even be as simple as sharing this article with your BFF and telling them how you appreciate how an aspect of your friendship was reflected in this piece.