How to Weep with Those that Weep
Practical Ways to Support Grieving Loved Ones and Offer Comfort Through Faith
Whether it was my early years immersed in Catholic tradition—memento mori, anyone?—my mother’s passing when I was just seven years old, or seeing my name etched on my namesake’s gravestone I was acutely aware of my mortality from a young age. By the time I was a teenager, I’d lost track of the number of funerals I’d attended as the dozens upon dozens stacked up. I’d written obituaries, crafted memory reels, curated grief playlists, perfected comfort food, selected prayer cards, sat shiva, and even navigated the complex family dynamics that often accompany loss. These skills led me to consider a career in mental wellness, whether as a death doula (attending to grieving families), a social worker, or a therapist, before opting for business school to build upon my departed mother’s legacy. Through it all, I gained invaluable insights into supporting grieving individuals—and in the process, I learned a great deal about grief itself.
Supporting Grieving Loved Ones in a Fragmented Society
These days, the number of dear ones in my life I pray for on a nightly basis due to their recent losses has been steadily increasing. This realization, combined with my friend Rosie’s tweet this morning, led me to believe this article could be beneficial.
The problem with grief these days is that the onus is now on the bereaved to "grieve properly" instead of it being society's responsibility to recognize that these people are temporarily not fully functioning adults and treat them accordingly.
When you're bleeding, stuck in the thicket of grief, you're already facing the overwhelming task of tending to your basic survival needs—both for yourself and your family. This alone is incredibly difficult, regardless of your age. On top of that, the need to advocate for yourself, plan, and push forward adds layers of complexity that can feel insurmountable. This struggle is reflected in Heather Momma’s response to Rosie’s tweet, as she captures the confusion and uncertainty that often accompanies grief.
I'm trying to figure this part out myself.
I'm not sure what to do or what should be expected of me.
I'm not sure exactly what to ask of other people, though I have some basic ideas, having watched my parents grieve their parents.
It's all so confusing.
While we, as Christians, are blessed even in our mourning, as King David points out under the influence of the Holy Spirit in Psalms 34:18, 'The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit,' we also recognize that God often uses His people to comfort and support one another, whether through practical help or spiritually grounding encouragement. However, social media is a double-edged sword. We're more connected than ever, but at the same time, we’re increasingly splintered as a village. We can easily connect with those who share our faith, interests, and goals, but even those aligned with us may not always be within arm’s reach. During major life events, when we most want to show up for one another, this separation makes it even more difficult.
A Balanced Approach to Supporting the Bereaved
We’re reminded of the impact of isolation on life’s difficulties in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” While this passage is traditionally applied to the beauty of marriage, we can also see its truth in how God often uses His servants as His hands and feet in the biblical model of care and Christian love. In today’s world, there has been an ever-growing breakdown of traditional support systems, making it more difficult for us to experience this communal care. Yet, as Christians, we are still called to be instruments of God’s grace, providing comfort and strength to those who mourn.
In the face of loss, waiting for the bereaved to ask for aid can put an unintended burden on them. However, we want to ensure we’re helping them in a meaningful way that doesn’t overstep. How can we find this healthy medium? Showing up non-intrusively and offering specific options can balance everyone’s needs and boundaries in a tidy way, allowing the grieving to feel supported, yet not overwhelmed.
Yet, other times, we don’t offer aid as we don’t know what assistance we can provide. Take heart, you’re already halfway there if you have the love, care, and desire to do something. It doesn’t have to be as grand as surprising your friend at the airport with another friend flying in for the services—like one of my childhood best friends did—or as potentially uncomfortable as sitting with the bereaved as the mortuary rolls out the dearly departed—which has also been done for my family through our losses. One major point of communication during a visit to someone in mourning is asking, “Do you want to take your mind off of things, or do you want to talk about it?” This can help you gauge what will be beneficial in the moment. Also, know that this is subject to change and your flexibility is crucial to their grief journey as it doesn’t have a set timeline.
Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 1:4 where we garner the strength to offer to others, “He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” Offline a home-cooked meal like the treasured meal trains of yesteryear can be a relief, helping with chores such as mowing the lawn or shoveling the driveway can be a practical way to assist, offering childcare while they plan the funeral or attend the burial depending on your closeness to the departed can be massively appreciated. A comforting visit for some hot chocolate or tea, a funny movie night with their favorite snacks, or bringing a bottle of their favorite alcohol together with tissues to share some memories and have difficult conversations can be helpful for those of age. Praying with and for them and sharing Bible verses during a cozy Bible study can also bring comfort. Meeting our loved ones where they are and consistently doing so throughout their ongoing mourning can help lighten their load.
Consistent Support for the Long Road of Grief
Grief doesn’t follow a set timeline. While gestures of support are especially crucial in the days immediately following a loss, continuing to show up in meaningful ways—whether through a simple text, a meal, or a prayer—can provide much-needed comfort along the long road of mourning. As Christians, we are called to support our loved ones regardless of the duration of their pain. Paul reminds us in Galatians 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Grief often lingers far beyond the initial period when the world expects it to fade, and as such, our support must endure as well. Womansplainer echoed this truth in a retweet of Rosie’s original post, sharing her own experience:
We also need to recognize that there is not a timeline for grief. I found lots of support and accommodation for the first couple months, but now, 6+ months in, it feels like people expect me to be moving on and able to function normally again.
This reminder speaks to the often-overlooked reality that the need for support doesn’t expire once the funeral is over or the first few weeks have passed. Our love, care, and encouragement must continue, offering solace at every step, no matter how long the road may seem. Thankfully, even when we're not physically close, there are still countless ways we can offer consistent support.
Supporting From Afar
Whether we're returning home after the funeral or were unable to attend in person, offering support to the bereaved from a distance is still very much possible. How we adapt traditional methods of in-person care for the digital age can vary, depending on our personal boundaries and available resources. With the technology and modern services at our disposal, we can carry out the admonition from 1 Peter 3:8, “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind,” whether we’re across the state, country, or the world.
While your loved one far away may keep you from being able to mow their lawn or help in person, there are still plenty of practical ways to support them. Instead of a traditional meal train, consider sending a DoorDash or GrubHub gift card, or even organizing an online meal delivery service for the grieving family. Can’t visit? Offer Zoom check-ins, watch movies together over Discord, or send loving voice notes to stay connected. If you're too far to fetch their favorite tea, you can still send a comforting care package or an online gift from Amazon, Edible Arrangements, or Harry & David. If you can't walk their dog while they rest, consider sending a gift card for a service like Rover. Showing you care long after the funeral can be as simple as scheduling text messages, setting reminders to send an email or virtual card, or using Ink to schedule physical cards for important dates (like Mother’s Day, their parent’s birthday, or their anniversary with their late spouse depending on who died). This will allow you to weep with those who weep, offering comfort long after the funeral and beyond the Kleenex.
Walking with the Grieving, Every Step of the Way
Whether offering comfort in person or from miles away, showing up for the long haul is key. Studies demonstrate that people who receive consistent, compassionate support during their grieving process are better able to navigate the intense, messy, and unpredictable emotions that come along with loss. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 shares that we should be doing this on an ongoing basis, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” Remember, supporting those in grief involves more than immediate condolences; it's about ongoing, adaptable support that meets people where they are in their journey. I hope this article serves not merely as an inspiration, but as a gentle call to action. Today, choose one new way to show your support—through a comforting text, a thoughtful meal, or a moment of shared prayer. As we move forward, let's integrate this support into the fabric of our lives, transforming the often solitary journey of grief into a shared path back to light and hope. Together, we can make a difference in the lives of those who mourn, fostering a community where no one has to grieve alone.